insanity.

I hate this. I hate all of it.

I'm depressed and alone and constantly angry.

I'm sick of faking happy for everyone.

I'm not happy.

You wouldn't be either if you were in this position.

My heart was ripped out of my chest by the one person who was supposed to love me. And I can't get over him. Being surrounded by couples and happiness doesn't really help me feel any better. I'm also sick of people saying "everything will be okay" and "you'll get over it in time". Oh and my personal favorite: "he just didn't realize what he had". That's a bunch of bullshit. Nothing will be okay. I won't get over it. And He didn't really have anything. I'm a terrible catch. If anything, he realized who he was dating and wanted out as fast as possible.

Since I don't go to regular school, I'm stuck in my house 6 out of 7 days a week. To some people that just sounds boring. For me it's worse. There isn't one person in this house who wants me around. And none of them really care about me. All I get to hear all day long is how much of a screw up I am and how I'll never amount to anything. Then my mother and grandmother gang up on me and tell me how fat and ugly I am and that Josh would have stayed with me if I had been pretty, skinny, and feminine. Then of course there are the days that my family decides to criticize my friends. That's something I can not stand. My friends are my real family. I don't particularly like when they are insulted. Then there are the days that I get told I should just go kill myself already and get it over with.

So no. I'm not happy. And I'm not okay.

I'm slowly going insane. And the one person who could help me fucked me over.

I have an awful feeling I'm going to end up in Lakeside.